The weight loss industry is big business, with big dollars to be made from how big the population has become. If you’ve been contemplating how you can cash in on the weight loss goldmine, then you’ve come to the right place. Simply follow my 12-step guide to writing a best-selling diet book and you will soon be on the path to wealth and B-grade celebrity status.
With so many people desperate to lose weight, and the problem of obesity only growing, clearly something has gone wrong. All the advice we’ve been given in the past must be wrong as of course everyone in the population must have followed that advice to prove it doesn’t work. So now the stage is set for the world to finally learn the answer which you’ve got. And what better platform than a book. Here is my foolproof 12-step guide to writing a best-selling diet book.
- Claim an amazing new scientific breakthrough that goes against all previous advice to do with weight loss. Use lots of impressive medical and biochemical terms you’ve come across in a textbook.
- Distil the whole obesity problem down to one simple reason. Here are some ideas to get you started: sugar, fructose, blood profile, genetics, processed oils, carbohydrates, time of eating. Whatever you do, don’t dare mention personal responsibility, overeating, and lack of exercise.
- Don’t have any formal qualifications in nutrition? No problem. Who needs several years of university study in nutrition and training in critical research analysis. You eat right and have lost weight at one time or another? That makes you an expert meaning you know far more about the topic than those out-of-touch geeks who spent all their years at university obtaining worthless pieces of paper.
- Promote or ban a certain food or food group. Banning carbohydrates is a great place to start.
- Restrict what time of day a person can eat or what types of foods that are allowed to be eaten at a meal.
- Promise quick, dramatic and miraculous results.
- Use testimonials and anecdotes to promote the benefits of your diet as they rank much higher than any independent randomised-controlled clinical trial.
- If you do read any scientific research, just skim over the abstract. Better yet, just read the title. If you do include any published research in your book, only include studies that support your diet philosophy. Any research that goes against your view should be ignored or discredited at all costs.
- Disparage advice given by peak health organisations such as the NHMRC and accuse all health organisations, dietitians and nutritionists of being in bed with food industry and not keeping up with current research.
- Come up with a gimmicky catchy title. The ‘Eat less, exercise more diet’? Fail, try again.
- Recommend supplements to go with your diet. Protip: have a vested commercial interest in said supplements thus maximising your income.
- One book isn’t enough – you need to follow it up with a recipe book and then another diet book with a completely different angle. Go back to step 1. Rinse and repeat.
Sceptical that my simple 12-step process can work? Peruse the health section of any bookstore and take note of the hundreds of trailblazing authors who have been there before you. Of course, the population is still getting fatter so clearly none of those frauds had ‘the answer’, but you’re different, you’ve got the insight that no one else has. This time it is different. This time you have the key to easy long-term weight loss. Do it. Start writing now before someone else beats you to it.
In the meantime, I, like most of my colleagues will continue to observe that those most successful at long-term weight loss have common habits of getting more active, eating less fatty and processed foods, controlling their portion sizes, enlisting the support of friends or a health professional, and are mindful of the food they put in their body. Of course, none of that advice meets any of the criteria for a best-selling diet book. Although I do have the the catchy title nailed: ‘Eat less junk and move your trunk’